In a world where stress, uncertainty, and the pursuit of success often dominate our lives, the quest for happiness remains a universal aspiration. While the path to happiness is a deeply personal journey, I want to share my principles and practices that may guide you toward happiness.
Get your Positive Mindset and Throw Out the Victim Mentality
The foundation of happiness lies in our perception of the world around us, which is formed by our thoughts. Most of us are happy children but we let that change with age. At young age I discovered, that no matter what the world around me looks to others, as long as I have positive mindset the world around me looked full of opportunities about career, personal growth, love and a promise for bright future and dreams come true. I always wondered if others see the world the same way and I came to the conclusion that unless someone has a health problem, leading to a depression the rest is just a matter of focusing your mind on the positive. Here I have to share that I wasn't just happy go lucky in my young years as there were outside factors such as economy after the "perestroika" in a former communist country I lived in, which lead to hyperinflation. A big contributor to negative outlook were my life circumstances of being a single mother, with a full time job, mainly paying for my master's degree, which made me get into the "victim mode" for a short period of time. Luckily, what I call inherent wisdom made me quickly realize, that, being a "victim" does not lead to a career because there is no way anyone can become, the better or the best victim and "a victim" is just a constant dead end state of life and I had to distance myself from it. This life experience was invaluable because it let me analyze myself and the situation I was in and start recognizing opportunities in the challenges ahead. So how do you become positive? Aside from experience this comes with learning and an understanding, that our brains are trained to default to our thoughts and many times in moments of struggle the negative ones come first. Some of you here may relate to the fact that once stuck on a negative thought the brain goes into a circle and we get stuck and you have to realize the power that you possess to break that circle. I was about twenty two when I came to that realization after a friend signed me up for the "Silva Method" course, which was invaluable because that method taught me to refocus my negative thoughts to positive ones and simply "cancel" the bad ones, and trust me, to the day I love to "cancel" them, because it is like hitting the "delete" key to all the "spam" messages in your in-box and it keeps my mind pure. So if you haven't yet, find your way to embrace a positive mindset by focusing on good thoughts, starting with a genuine gratitude for what you have and optimism for what you want in your life and watch for great things coming your way because the law of attraction works. Train yourself to see opportunities in challenges and view setbacks as stepping stones toward growth instead of embracing a victim mentality. A positive attitude can reshape your experiences and enable you to find joy even in the midst of crises.
Define Your Values and Priorities
Understanding what truly matters to you is crucial for aligning your life with your values. Take time to reflect on what brings you a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Whether it's nurturing relationships, pursuing creative endeavors, or contributing to a cause, or even your career, identifying your core values will guide your choices and decisions toward a more authentic and satisfying life. If you never thought about it before, I recommend starting a list of values, think of it as a collection of your favorite songs and then do the top 10 ranking and start thinking how you can bring these top 10 values in your life. If you have that list, think about expanding it and what else is missing that can make you feel content. In a nutshell you must find what makes you feel realized and will make you blossom, even if in the meantime this means discovering your purpose and your emotional and spiritual values. Remember that the most successful people didn't know what to do with their lives before they became successful.
Maintain only Meaningful Relationships
Humans are social mammals by nature and no matter how many devices we have, to "like" each other nothing can replace the human contact and in person relationships, which is why, I will spend more time in this section. Human connections play a pivotal role in our happiness and make no mistakes, technology and AI cannot substitute it. Invest time and effort in nurturing deep, meaningful relationships with family, friends, and partners. It is important to be honest with yourself and invest these efforts only with genuine people, who have your best interest in mind and avoid others, who deliberately put you down. Understand that a genuinely loving and caring people will always uplift your spirit and the unsecure or the sinister ones will put you down to set you off the wrong direction or simply to feel superior. Quality relationships provide emotional support, a sense of belonging, and the opportunity to share both joys and sorrows. Practice active listening, empathy, and open communication to strengthen these bonds.
Here are a few types of people to avoid relationships with:
The Narcissists - it's all about them and nothing about you! The only time you can talk is when you compliment them on their impeccable appearance, outstanding accomplishments, great choices and things that they actually never accomplished. If you want to feel heard, talk to someone else, instead of listening to a narcissistic monologues.
The Gossipers, nothing to learn there, other than unconfirmed rumors. Usually these people have no other interests in life, such as starting a business, building a career, dedicating their time to a cause, and they feel realized by being "the first one to start a rumor", the one who knows "everything about everyone", the "helpful one", who is always there for you but not for what you think, just to collect more gossips. If you have time for wasting on a shop talk socializing that may result in airing your emotional problems on their "dirty laundry" blog look no further.
The Drama Queens - this is the world of intrigues and the roller-coaster of emotions you never want to ride. There is no beginning and certainly no end and drama is often not fact-based but tangled in lies and altered reality and with the drama queens you need to remember, "white" lies are still lies.
The Debbie Downer - I know the best one and I am sure you do too! This is the person who will bring you a Million justifications, why the 100 solutions to their two major life problems you pointed out will never work without even trying one of the solutions. They will surely make you find the end of your patience and empathy but mainly they will hold you back and discourage you from accomplishing your goals with dooms day prognoses.
The Critics - If everything you do is wrong, why bother proving yourself to someone who fails to see your good side. Also constructive criticism is actually a good thing, that friends should provide, but when criticism is about making someone feel better or superior to you, it is definitely not a healthy relationship choice for you.
The Controllers - these are a special group of manipulative oppressors, who feel accomplished and emotionally satisfied by keeping you accountable and on a short leash about even the smallest detail in your life. Great example is my grand mother, who wanted me to give her my entire salary so that she can spend my money "wisely" because she didn't think I could make these decisions while persuing a master degree and being a single parent at the time. This is the woman who also sent my grandpa (whom she was married to life) with a 65 cents at the time to the hairdresser and no change for tips. And it didn't end there, she also tried to listen to all my conversations and insert judgmental comments, know all my friends and even checked my wardrobe for questionable items. If you want to feel like a hostage in a free country, let a controller in your life. In my personal opinion it takes a masochist to enjoy this type of exploitive relationship.
The Passive Aggressors - These are your classic victim rollers, the people who can't find their place under the sun and are rebels to the system and everyone did them wrong. They envy your successes even when they pretend to be happy for your while surveying how they can benefit from you mainly ask you for a loan or one too many favors. Feeling sorry for these people is what they want from you but beware its's a trap of favors that will never end until you say "no". They work in silence and in the dark and only sting at the right time, they don't wish you well and they mean it, just hanging in for the right time to strike, usually behind your back.
The Energy Vampires - These I think are the universal evil because they have traits of all the others. These are the highest energy drainers and they will come up with million creative ways to get you out of control because like the vampires drink blood the negative energy is what fuels their existence. The worse thing that can happen to you is to be stuck with an energetic vampire in your household because they will constantly instigate you and enjoy your misery and by the time you recuperate they will be back for more. Learn to recognize them and eliminate them from your life.
Maintaining meaningful relationships is not an easy task, keep in mind that some people could be simply learning life and communications and may not mean or realize that they fit any of the above descriptions and they may be otherwise a good friend material. A helpful tip here is to understand that establishing boundaries when you recognize toxic traits in your relationships until you figure out for yourself that there is no malicious behavioral intent is essential. The only way to to make people aware of how they make you feel is to be vocal about it, because trust me most people don't get clues. That is if you truly want this person in your life and you genuinely want to give them a chance to correct themselves if the behavior was unintentional.
Do You Work on Self Perfection and Self-Care?
Caring for your physical, mental, and emotional well-being is essential for sustained happiness. Prioritize self-care activities that recharge and rejuvenate you. This might include regular exercise, a balanced diet, sufficient sleep, meditation, journaling, or engaging in hobbies you're passionate about. Taking care of yourself enables you to approach life with vitality and a positive outlook. Engage in activities that light up your soul and bring you joy. Whether it's pursuing a hobby, engaging in creative expression, or exploring new experiences, these passions contribute to a sense of vitality and enthusiasm for life.
Did You Clean Your House?
As much as you may hate chores your home is a reflection of your mind. Look at it at this moment. Have you been neglecting it? Cleaning your house will clear your mind, the air you breathe, will organize your thoughts and will make you feel instantly accomplished because you can see the instant results. Cleaning your house has the best therapeutic effect and it is the most undermined activity.
Are you Fully Present in Your Life?
Mindfulness involves being fully present in the moment. I know people who are often dwelling on the past and being stuck in past events during current events. This happens, when people hold grudges, resentment, envy, jealousy, feel offended for too long, blame someone or self, compare to others, judge or fault others. These are sets of toxic feelings that can be easily resolved by forgiving self and others and using some of the useful techniques for letting go of negative emotions described in one of my other blogs. When people hold on to these damaging feelings, they can't let go of worries about the past or future and experience life as it unfolds. Engage in mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing, or simply savoring everyday experiences. By cultivating mindfulness, you can reduce stress, enhance your appreciation for life's simple pleasures, and find tranquility within.
Are You the Smartest Person in the Room?
Look around when you are with your friends and family and if you are the smartest person in the room, it's time to expand your company with smarter friends you can learn from. No matter how much you love your family and friends, when you focus on personal growth you will inevitably need like mined people on the same path, to challenge you and exchange ideas. There is no harm in expanding your circle and may be this is what you need. Continuous self-improvement and learning contribute significantly to happiness. Set goals that challenge you to step out of your comfort zone and acquire new skills. Whether it's acquiring knowledge, pursuing a hobby, or developing emotional intelligence, the journey of personal growth brings a sense of achievement and contributes to your overall well-being.
Do You Practice Acts of Kindness and Giving?
Research shows that acts of kindness not only benefit others but also boost our own happiness. Engage in random acts of kindness, volunteer for charitable causes, or simply offer a helping hand to someone in need. The act of giving creates a positive ripple effect, fostering a sense of interconnectedness and fulfillment. And let me tell you a secret, the more you give the more you will receive.
Can You Cultivate Resilience?
Life is filled with challenges, and resilience is the key to navigating them without losing sight of happiness. Develop the ability to adapt to change, bounce back from setbacks, and maintain your emotional equilibrium. Resilience is built through embracing failures as learning opportunities and developing effective coping strategies.
Do You Practice Gratitude Daily?
Gratitude is a powerful tool for cultivating happiness. Regularly reflect on the things you're grateful for, whether big or small. This practice shifts your focus from what's lacking to what's abundant in your life, fostering a sense of contentment and fulfillment.
Do You Have Love?
Love is a great feeling, that warms our heart and soul like nothing else and love is the essence of life. Nowadays it is hard to find genuine love but it is not impossible. If you do not have significant other, a child, a pet, a plant or a parent to love at the moment and this is your excuse for not having love in your life, I strongly recommend that you start discovering the love within you. The love is not something that comes from outside sources and people, it is deeply imbedded in our soul but some people may have arranged a special faux "funeral" and buried it with their divorce or exs and are living life numb pretending that "love is dead". The answer is that love is still inside you and when you start doing the things that you love, maintaining meaningful relationships, living up to your values, focusing on the positive, nurturing your physical, emotional and spiritual needs you will find that love is everywhere and you will do the things you do with love. And when you are overflowing with love if you still did not meet the right person to share it, please adopt a pet, a child, a plant or just go and pet puppies or kittens in the shelter or abandoned babies, there are actually hospitals, which can arrange that for you. Giving your love to someone in need of love my actually save their life and you can contribute to saving the world.
Make Your Self a Gift Daily
Don't wait for that promotion, don't wait for someone to make you a gift, don't wait until tomorrow to reward yourself today! Take your happiness in your hands and depending on your lifestyle make yourself a gift you can afford. That gift can be the 15 min. to read this one chapter of your favorite book, making time for a conversation with a friend who always lifts your spirit, it may be 30 min in the gym that help you release stress, it may be booking that trip that you have been postponing for years, it may be starting a new business, buying lunch from your favorite restaurant, adopting a pet, buying yourself beautiful flowers and it may just be having a cup of coffee, while everyone is still in bed and you can hear only your thoughts. Don't keep your happiness locked waiting indefinity for events to align and people to come around. Remember that no one can make you happy if you already are not and gift yourself the gift of happiness! Put that big smile on your face and you will attract more happy people like yourself because happiness is contagious and we can never get enough of it!
In conclusion, the pursuit of happiness is a multifaceted journey that requires intentional effort and self-awareness. It requires waking up your senses and living life to your fullest potential. By adopting a positive mindset, nurturing relationships, practicing self-care, and aligning your actions with your values, you can unlock the door to genuine and lasting happiness. Remember that happiness is not a destination, but a continuous process of growth, self-discovery, and embracing the richness of life and you are holding the key to your own happiness.
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